Saliendo

Saliendo en España 

When I told my friends from home I was going to spend my summer in Spain the first thing they said was, "So you're going to fall in love, right?" I had my doubts obviously, but every girl dreams about going abroad, meeting her perfect guy, and casually just staying in that other country forever living a life blissfully unaware of her previous responsibilities (or maybe that's just me). 

In my life right now as a college student I'm continuously surrounded by the "hook up culture." I have friends with serious boyfriends, and I have friends with a lot of friends who are boys, and I have friends who have boy toys. Then there's me. I'm not attempting to say that I'm always the only single one, because that's not true. I've just been single for the longest time. I'm not going to be that girl who says that it's always easy either. It's not. Then again, I'm too picky to settle, and that's a fact that everyone who knows me believes to be true. So after hearing everyone tell me I was going to have some magical affair in Spain, I'll admit, my hopes were sky high. After about two weeks of coming up short due to my clearly American looks, lack of proper speaking ability, and chronically shy personality, I had come up short. Actually, within this time I had come to terms with being alone here because I was already too in love with my new life to care about anything else. I didn't come to Spain for boys. I came for a new life... just for a little while. I came for education. I came for experience. 

All of this was true until I went to Seville. That's where I met Pablo (and I think I'll die if he ever decides to read this). Pablo is the brother of my friend Barrett's host brother - confusing, right? We met at a bar in Seville. I didn't think much of him until his brother, Carlos, decided to interrogate me about my thoughts about his brother. From there, we hit it off. However, I'm not writing to tell you our love story. In fact I'm not even close to being in love with him (despite my fairy tale wishes). I enjoy spending time with him, and I think that's all that matters. 

On our first date he asked whatI thought about him and why I was really there. The truth is he was just different. He wasn't only different because he was from Spain, but I think because of how the Spanish culture made him who he is. It was so refreshing to actually go on a date, and not have to worry about all the factors that continuously occur in my life both at home and at the University of Michigan. 

Difference #1: It was a date. 

I'm not sure what has happened to relationships for my generation, perhaps it truly is just a college phase, but I have not been on a true date in almost 3 years now. Three. Years. Sure, I've had guys say "Let's hang out," or "Let's grab coffee." What is that anyways? What does that even mean?! The fact is, girls have no idea. It's like guys need some sort of loophole to hang out with a girl without seeming like he's too interested. Since when is there something wrong with being interested? 

I met Pablo. We talked. He got my number. He asked me out. Period. Plain and simple. No miscommunication. That's what I like to see. 

Difference #2: It was romantic. 

I guess being in Spain truly has it's advantages with the architecture, the great weather, and the endless flowers and gardens. However, I think romance is something that can always be achieved. There's a huge difference between romance and cheese. Romance is effortless and it's created by chemistry. Cheese is what occurs when someone tries to hard to be romantic. The fact is almost anything can be a bit romantic if both parties are present. On my date we never looked at our phones once (I mean, I don't have any service here or wifi - but he didn't look either). We listened to what each other had to say, and we had no pre-convieced notions about each other. Even with the language barrier, I thought that our conversation in Spanglish was better than more than half of the mindless small talk I've had in the past. 

Difference #3: Silence

I have had some good dates in the past when silence occurred and it wasn't awkward, but for the most part guys I know think silence is some void that continuously needs to be filled. There's nothing wrong with having a casual break in conversation. In fact most of my favorite memories are when I'm doing absolutely nothing just with someone else too. A date should be comfortable. This could also be due to the fact that my date was twenty six years old, so perhaps it's a maturity concept. Either way it was a difference for me. 

Difference #4: Late, Late, Late

A week before my first date, my host sister went on a date. Her boyfriend recently broke up with her, and she just started dating again. I asked where they were going and she didn't know, but she didn't leave the house until 9:30 pm. The next week I found out this was normal because I ended up meeting Pablo at 9:15 pm. She stayed out till 3 am. I stayed out till 2 am. Dinner is so much later here that I suppose it makes sense. Usually I only hang out that late with my girlfriends of if in a steady relationship. It was fun to be out on the town that whole time and still feel safe as well. Bars, ice cream shops, and restaurants were still open when I went home. 

Difference #5: Bar Hopping and Tapas

My sister went on an actual dinner date, however I went bar hopping. Apparently they are both fairly common. When I went I just wasn't hungry, and neither was my date. When we went for tapas it was nice to be able to drink with a guy who wasn't trying to get drunk. I am aware that this type of drinking style is only truly popular among college kids, but because that's where I am in life right now, I thought it was so nice to enjoy a drink without feeling pressured to "keep up" or drink when I really didn't have any desire. 

Difference #6: Walking

I have always loved the idea of romantic walks, and that's just the cliche girl inside of me. However, I now know that nothing beats a walk through the ancient neighborhood in Granada. The roads wind up the mountain top, and the streets are small and cobblestone. Hedges surround sidewalks, and vines wrap buildings, and every five minutes is a new garden or plaza to sit and talk in. In America, the typical date is "dinner and a movie." It's so rare to actually take a walk and talk with someone. We walked around the city for almost two hours, and I never once found it boring because there was always something to see or something new to talk about.

Difference #7: The art of dining out

As I said earlier, restaurants here are open really late. In fact they close their kitchens, and sometimes the whole establishment from 3-8pm because nobody eats during this time. Along with this restaurants never, ever rush you out the door. Sometimes there is a wait, but waiters never attempt to make any customer feel uncomfortable. There's also almost never a hostess, and every place I've been in Granda is seat yourself. The check only comes when you ask for it. Having the ability to sit and talk without feeling like you need to chug your drink or eat your meal fast to move on to the next place is so refreshing. 

Difference #8: PDA

I have always, always been against personal displays of affection. In fact, I wouldn't let my first boyfriend even hold my hand in public sometimes because I was embarrassed. Obviously I've grown up a bit since then, but the idea of making out in public for more than five seconds gives me a bit of the heebie jeebies. However, this idea is so completely American to me. People in America are just so much colder. I've seen this in certain families as well. Families with a strong cultural connection to other places are usually more physically and verbally affectionate, my family included. Families that don't identify with any specific culture, or have a long line of decedents who have lived in America, are usually less loving. This is a generalization, obviously, but it's just something I've picked up on. 

I'll spare the details but getting used to the idea of being very comfortable in public was a very big difference for me. I do like hand holding, and occasionally any kind of hug/ touch. However, I will never be like the couple I saw in the park laying on top of each other on the bench during sunset. 

Difference #9: Money

I have never set out on a date in order to date someone who has a butt-load of money. I do get mocked from my friends for being a "gold digger" because I do have a high appreciation for the finer things in life. I am 100% a person of quality over quantity, and I have no qualms about spending money to get what I want. That being said, I also truly do not mind paying for some dates and  going to fun "hole in the wall" restaurants. Some of my favorite places both in Granada and Michigan are cheap, family style restaurants. However there's a difference between choosing to go to a place based on the food they have or the service, and choosing a restaurant because it's cheap. If there's one thing I cannot stand in life it's people who are cheap. I believe myself to be a generous person. I continuously buy friend gifts, pay for meals, lend out money etc., because I know in life it always comes back. Money has never been of great value to me - which admittedly does get me in trouble from time to time. During my date here, which was inexpensive, I knew we could have gone anywhere in the world I wanted because it was simply about being together. I could have chosen to go to the high end bar I love "Tinta Fina" but instead we went to a lower scale tapas bar. It was nice t know I had options because I knew he didn't mind the money, and in truth if he did or if he was short a few euros, I wouldn't have cared to pay. In my experience, guys in the US are always trying to get out of paying that extra five dollars for an appetizer. It's not about the actual appetizer, it's about the principal of what the appetizer represents. Perhaps I'm just too "high maintenance" as my friends say. I'm simply speaking my mind. 

Difference #10: Expressed Emotion

Guys in the southern part of Spain are known to be flirty and charismatic, so I'm sure that's a contributing factor to this idea. In my experience, even if a date went well, sometimes I leave asking myself, "Did he like me.... or what?" Emotions are such a taboo in the United States and that's always been so tough for me because I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I like you, you'll know. If I don't, you'll definitely know. Here, my date wasn't afraid to say what he was thinking, both good and bad. He was never rude, but he told me that he thought I was shy when he first met me - straight up, and this was a fact that I know to be true. He also told me how much he enjoyed being with me and I made him feel comfortable. He even repeated it after the date. The communication, again, was just so much clearer. There was no second guessing or stupid mind games that apparently everyone plays these days. People always ask me, "How do you not have a boyfriend, you're so pretty." In honesty, I used to not know. Now I know it's because a) I'm probably too up front with what I'm thinking most of the time, and b) I don't stick around through the drama and mess that relationships create. It should be simple to communicate shouldn't it? Why is everyone so worried? 

As I said earlier, I'm not in love by any means. I don't even know if I'm in "like." I just have truly enjoyed my personal dating experience here, and I think that there are so may positive things about this dating style. I'm not saying my date was perfect, but it was probably the in the top five dates I've ever been on. In only two weeks I'll be back to the American way, so I suppose I should truly soak this up now. I hope you thought what I had to say was thought provoking at least!

Besos,

B